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Pick new parents
Apr. 6th, 2007 02:08 pmCharles and Valerie Breskin are my parents. They're decent, hardworking people, and they have a lot of money because of all that hard work. They live in Malibu, they raised me and my siblings to share their values and know the satisfaction of earning a good living so we wouldn't turn out like all their neighbors' spoiled rich brats. My older brother's in medical school, my sister's working on... Shit, I don't know. Probably a degree in saving the world through excessive whining and recycling. I know my baby sister will go to college and probably end up as the CEO of some Fortune 500 company. That or President of the United States. They're good, smart people, and they wouldn't have turned out that way if Chuck and Val hadn't done such a fine job of rearing them. (I graduated from college with a degree that would allow me to contribute the least to society. You don't see a whole lot of theater majors helping disaster victims - unless it's for good press and photo ops, of course. If I was a doctor, I'd be expected to do that crap because it was my 'duty.' Whatever.)
Now, all of that is to explain (in a really roundabout way) why I wouldn't want new parents. I know it's kind of boring to say that (and, god knows, it's been kind of tiresome seeing everyone saying the 'different parents would mean a different me' thing) but boring or tiresome doesn't mean it's not true. The basic answer is, I wouldn't pick anyone in the world, living or dead, to be my parents because no one could ever replace my dear, sweet mom and dad.
And if you don't buy that, I've got another reason:
I wouldn't want anyone else to be my parents because there's no telling if other parents would put up with my shit. I've spent years honing my skills at bullshitting and charming them when I need to. I have no guarantee that another set of parents would fall for that stuff. Don't get me wrong, now. I do love them. I'd be sad if they died (Mom's my biggest fan). They've been really cool to me and my brother and sisters, and I know how lucky we are to have them as our folks. To tell you the truth, I don't know how the hell they managed to get stuck with a brat like me. Same goes for my baby sister, who is, like I've said before, a mini girl version of me. Maybe there's a recessive "bad seed" gene in the family line. Chuck and Val don't seem to mind, though, and that's why I'd keep them.
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Now, all of that is to explain (in a really roundabout way) why I wouldn't want new parents. I know it's kind of boring to say that (and, god knows, it's been kind of tiresome seeing everyone saying the 'different parents would mean a different me' thing) but boring or tiresome doesn't mean it's not true. The basic answer is, I wouldn't pick anyone in the world, living or dead, to be my parents because no one could ever replace my dear, sweet mom and dad.
And if you don't buy that, I've got another reason:
I wouldn't want anyone else to be my parents because there's no telling if other parents would put up with my shit. I've spent years honing my skills at bullshitting and charming them when I need to. I have no guarantee that another set of parents would fall for that stuff. Don't get me wrong, now. I do love them. I'd be sad if they died (Mom's my biggest fan). They've been really cool to me and my brother and sisters, and I know how lucky we are to have them as our folks. To tell you the truth, I don't know how the hell they managed to get stuck with a brat like me. Same goes for my baby sister, who is, like I've said before, a mini girl version of me. Maybe there's a recessive "bad seed" gene in the family line. Chuck and Val don't seem to mind, though, and that's why I'd keep them.
450
